Squirrels are Evil!

One Dog -- One Mission: To uncover the Great Squirrel Conspiracy

Thursday, August 31, 2006

my new hedgehog

the other day wen i wuz taking randy for a walk we saw a strange thing. some peepol had all theyr stuff out in front of theyr house and there were lots of peepol coming and going for rides in cars to take away the stuff!

of corse we had to check it out and gess wut i found? a big pile of toys!! i wanted to lick them all but randy said no no ivy you cant do that. wut a spoil sport! the peepol came over to talk to us and they said hi to me and talked to randy and then gess wut? randy picked out a fuzzy hedgehog from the pile and gave it to me! woo hoo!

i carried it with me all the way home... well except for a little bit wen i saw a cat and had to drop the hedgehog for a minnit. but then i carried him the rest of the way home.

we haf been best frends ever since.

i luv my lil hedgehog!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

more strange boxes...

the peepol brot home more strange boxes. i haf not had very good luck with boxes lately so i am a little nervus about them. i wunder wut will come out of these boxes and if it will make bad noizes like the other stuff... i shur hope not! Posted by Picasa

Sunday, August 27, 2006

the big yelling bug

today i found a big noizy bug with one wing flopping around under my tree. he kept yelling at me and yelling at me so i tried to send him to bug heaven but he reelly didnt want to go! it took a lot of stomping and biting to send him on his way!

Friday, August 25, 2006

hangin out in my backyard

since my peepol haf been too buzy messing up my house to play wif me, i haf been finding my own dogventures in my backyard...

the evil skwerrels threw a bird house down from theyr skwerrel tree. i gess the birds didnt pay the rent!

ken has been growing bigger and bigger and bigger. now that ball is so big i dont think i cud throw it and i sher wuddnt want to cach it!

the little spider who lives by my water spiggit made a whole bunch more little tiny spiders!

my very favorite thing about my backyard is all the sticks! the peepol never get tired of cutting down trees and making big crazy piles of sticks for me to play wif. mmmmmmm... wood is good!

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

dog torchur

since my crazy peepol haf been tearing apart my kichen they haf been making and eating theyr yummy peepol food on the coffee table in the dog couch room.

they put all this yummy food rite there in front of me and then they tell me no no dont eat it ivy!

this is crewl and unusual dog torchur!

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

the house ate my randy!

it wuz hot outside but randy wuz wearing his coat and gloves and a hat. this is strange peepol behavior i thot to myself. so i had to find out wut he wuz doing.

then i wached in horrer as the house ate randy!

ware did he go? wut is the house going to do with him?

he stayeded in there a long time and i wached from the other side of my backyard just in case the house wanted to eat a keeshond for desert!

finally it musta decided he didnt taste so good and the house spit him back out again. *whew*

i will haf to be very careful not to get neer that house mouth from now on!

Sunday, August 20, 2006

happy rejoiceful peepol

my peepol were very happy tonite. they jumpeded up and down and did a lot of happy dances. i dont reely unnerstand why they were so happy wen my kichen is still a mess but at leest there arent any more big boxes to get in my way!

Saturday, August 19, 2006

ode to my Kichen Floor

O Kichen Floor, my faithful friend
You've always been so true.
Wenever food dropped from above,
It always stopped on you.

You'd hold it for me pashently
Until i'd found my treat:
Some jasmine rice, a peece of cheese,
or best of all, some meat!

But now my peepol haf gone mad,
They've ripped you up, i fear;
I lookeded for you everyware
And finded you out here.

Our time together is so short,
So answer me and quick!
Wud i seem rude, dear Kichen Floor,
If i just had one last lick?

Friday, August 18, 2006

my five confesshuns of wierdness

ok ok so i think i must be the last dog blogger on the internet to fess up to my five wierd things. in case you haf been sleeping under a bed for the past cupple of weeks and dont no wut i am woofing about you can read the confesshuns of tubey, mary-margaret, opy, sammy, roxie, or cairo.

the funniest wun i read wuz from scuba but wach out for the evil pop-ups that appear on scubas blog faster than you can bite them off your skreen! maybe if we all tell him we dont like the stupid ads he will take them off.

so now i haf to confess my wierd goofiness too. *sigh* here goes:

  1. i love tubes. no i dont meen tubey tho i like him too... i meen the kind of tubes that water goes into and comes outta wen it rains. the bigger the tube the better! wen i go for walks-on-the-leesh and i see a tube we all haf to stop so i can smell it. if it is big enuf i also haf to go inside it. my peepol haf been drug down tubes on the other end of my leesh a cupple of timez.

  2. wenever i see whitewater i haf to bite it. i dont no why but sumthing about fast movin' water with white caps just makes me haf to dive rite in and bite it. if the water is comin out of a tube that is even better! my peepol think this is very funny and they even took videos to laugh at me.

  3. i absolutely will not walk on metal grates. those things are death traps for sure! if i am on a walk-on-the-leesh and we come to a deadly metal grate, i will run around it or jump over it. if i cant get around it i will stop dead in my tracks and let my peepol pull my jingle necklace off of neck with the leesh. i am way too young and cute to die!

  4. i haf never ackshully cot a skwerrel. i chase them all the time whyle all the ghosts of my keeshond ancestors in my blood yell at me to kill it but i just never seem to run fast enuf. it makes me wunder if i cud reelly kill a skwerrel if i ever cot it. i no i am supposed to but i dont think i wud like it.

  5. my last wierd thing is that i haf a blog. yeah yeah i no that all of you dogs reeding this probly haf blogs too but there reelly arent that many of us. wen i meet other dogs on my street i always ask them if they haf a blog so i can sniff it online but most of them haf never even heard of a blog. sumtimez they think i asked if they haf a dog and they get reelly confuzed and tip theyr heads at me and i just say forget it and move on. dogs with blogs are wierd!

ok so there you haf it. i cud only find one other dog who hazzent done this yet so i tag cal the wonderdog!

i cant wait to sniff wut cal confesses!

the rat ladder

yesterday after randy and romex got rid of the chewed up black snake in the wall we found more mouse houses!
every time randy took out another cabinet i found another mouse door and another mouse house!
oh my dogness! more mouse houses!

i found sum neat stuff in theyr houses too:
a sticker, a fork and some shiny rings, a red toy wing, and a newspaper from 20 peepol years ago ...hey! i didnt no that mouses cud read! i wonder if they had a blog?

randy said with all that big stuff in the houses it cuddnt haf been mouses that lived in there. he said it wuz probably rats.

rats? i hates rats! rats are just like evil skwerrels only with less fuzz on theyr tails. ewwwww! i am glad they are all gone.

but now we had another problem. the rats wuz all gone and we cleaneded out theyr houses but there wuz still a giant rat door and a rat ladder comin up from the underbelly of my house. randy said we haf to do sumthin to keep rats from comin back up that ladder.
i said hey! i haf a good idea! i will get one of my guard bears to wach the rat ladder and keep em out!

randy didnt lissen to me becuz he never doez and he just cut up a ride-in-the-car plate and blocked off the rat ladder.

he put sum stinky foamy stuff in there and closed up the rat door.

oh well. i bet my guard bear didnt want to stand there waching that rat door all the time anyway. besides... i wud miss him!

Thursday, August 17, 2006

romex to the rescue

to combat the danger of the evil ghost mouses randy got up early this morning and dressed for battle.
tee hee! i am telling him that his feets look goofy and he dozent even know wut i am saying!
randy climbeded up in the seeling on the skary noizy ladder of doom and made lots of bad noizes in the walls and made the kichen lite swing back and forth like a ghost wind wuz blowin it.
with the help of my good friends romex the friendly white snake and his gang of wire nuts we vankwished the legasee of the evil mouses. now randy can get back to making big skary noizes with the cabinets!

skary killer ghost mouses!

last nite wen it wuz already past dog bed time my peepol were still busy destroying my kichen.
wen they pulled out the cabinet next to my food cooker they found a mouse house!
i said hey hey peepol leave it there! i like mouses! they are fun to chase and they make a good crunch wen you eat them!

but randy didnt lissen to me at all. nobody every lissens to ivy.
randy said the mouses haf to go and besides they wuz long dead anyway. i smelled them and yup! he wuz rite.

then randy looked at the black snake in the wall and he got reely mad at the mouses. he said those stupid mice could have started a fire even after they were dead!

wo! wut wuz that? killer ghost mouses?
randy ran out to the garage and flipped the swich that wud keep us safe at nite. i thot if there is a swich to keep us safe why dont we flip it every nite? but of corse nobody cared wut ivy thot.

i wuz so askared of those killer ghost mouses that i cuddnt sleep for a long time!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

more skary noizes!

today wen lindsay went to work randy stayeded home with me again! woo hoo! another day not alone by myself! maybe today there wont be so many skary men bringing boxes in big trucks.

at leest i hope not becuz my house cant fit any more boxes in it!

doin' my morning survey i see that the boxes and that big skary air sucker are still there. i thot maybe wen i woke up it wud be just a dreem and they wud be gone. no such luck. *sheesh*

insted of spending time with ivy randy thot it wuz more fun to get up on a ladder and pet the wall with wet green stuff. he said it wuz pretty but i said i didnt care cuz i cant see colors anyway. silly peepol wasting time on things that i cant even see! wut are they thinking?

wow! i just noticed this new big tall thing that is holding our kitchen stuff. didnt that stuff already haf a home? wut wuz wrong with ware it wuz at?

after randy stopped petting the wall green he said hey ivy! wanna go for a walk to get lunch? and i said you bet! lets go now! and he packed up my dog backpack and put on my leesh and we went for the longest walk ever. we saw dogs and cars and mailboxes with new pee-mail to smell and it wuz just great!

the best part wuz wen we stopped walking we were at a yummy smelling place. randy put my dog water in a frisbee and left me in the shade to wait. i told him i wanted to come too but he just said shush ivy! i am going to get some pizza. and i thot maybe if wuz good i cud haf some pizza too!

i didnt get any pizza but i did get some yummy bred called crazy bred. i dont know wut wuz crazy about it but it did taste reely good.

we walked back home and saw more dogs on the other side of the street and then randy started making skary noizes again so i just went outside to wach pam and ken growing and think about crazy bred. mmmmmm....

i kept trying to come back in my house but every time i did randy just made more skary noizes in my kitchen so i had to jump rite back out my dog door.

*sigh* will this never end?

giant evil truck!

yesterday randy stayeded home with me all day and i thot it wuz going to be so happy but then this giant evil truck came down the street and stopped at my house!

i went in my backyard and yelled at the evil truck to go away and bother sumbody else but do you know wut? the peepol in the truck got out and started bringing huge boxes into my house!!

i ran to my dog door to jump inside the house and yell at them but my dog door wuz gone!!!

i kept telling randy to let me in but he pretended like he didnt even hear me. how rude! the peepol kept piling up boxes inside and i cuddnt do anything about it. they even took some drinks from my cold box.

finally the peepol got back in theyr evil truck and disappeared and randy let me come back in. sher took him long enuf.

now wut am i going to do with all these boxes? Posted by Picasa

Monday, August 14, 2006

mixeded-up peepol

my peepol came home late from work today and they were sooooo tired that rite after randy gave me dogfood for dinner we all flopped on the big bed and went to sleep.

we sleeped for a good long dog nap time and then randys farbarker started buzzing. lindsay jumpeded out of the big bed and yelled at randy and me to wake up! wake up! she said the peepol are late for work! we sleepeded too long!

lindsay went to the evil bathtub room while randy used the farbarker to call work and tell the peepols there that they wuz coming. it wuz all very exciting! i just wondered if they forgot my dogfood for brekfest becuz the brekfest alarm forgot to sing its songs.

just then lindsay came running back into our sleep room and she said to randy is it am or pm? and randy said wut? and he looked at the farbarker and i gess it told him a funny joke becuz he started laughing. then lindsay started laughing too! and i said hey hey peepol it iznt funny wen ivy dozent get her dogfood for brekfest. but the peepol just laughed and laughed.

then we all jumped back in the bed and took another nap.

they never told me wut wuz so funny. nobody ever tells ivy anything!

Sunday, August 13, 2006

home is ware you dont haf to share yer toys

my peepol are home at last!! randy took a ride on the big noizy birds to lost angels first and i missed him so much that wen he came home i did happy dances and ran laps around my yard!
but no sooner did he come back home then i went to stay with abby and her peepol and my peepol disappeared again! wen they got back i asked them ware did they go and gess wut? they went on a big river with big waves and white water!!! that is my favorite thing ever and they didnt even take me!!!! how unfair is that!!

now it is sleep time and i am so tired out from playing with abby. i just want to close my eyes on my own bed surrounded my all my little skweeky friends.

nite nite! Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

new peepol fernicher

my peepol are so crazy that they thot they needed new stuff for our sleep room.

so they went to ikea to trade their greenies for new stuff.

in kase anydog dozent know about ikea it is a giant underground car parking lot ware dogs wait in the shade for their peepol to bring giant big boxes to them that take up all the dog space in the car. yeah... pretty pointless.

here is my new bed with randy and me holding it down.

here is the peek holes with lindsay and me trying them out. we can stay safe on the bed wile we spy on the hallway to wach for evil skwerrels.

after all the noizy banging and putting together of the bed and the hard work of supervizing the peepol i reely needed a frosty paws to cool off. mmmmmmm... i love frosty paws!!

Thursday, August 03, 2006

happy anny-nersery peepol!

it has been five peepol years since my randy and lindsay got all dressed up and had a big party with cake (mmmmm...cake!) and dancing and rings and things. i like to try to take the rings off their peepol paws with my teeth but they never let me do it.

my uncle josh and ant claire made us a family tree and gave it to the evil mailman to bring to our house. that mail man reeely gets around! the family tree is kinda like my skwerrel tree only smaller and me and my peepol are up in the tree! i dont kwite unnerstand why this is a good thing but my peepol were very happy to see it so i gess i am happy too.

i do like the color becuz it goes with my blog!