Squirrels are Evil!

One Dog -- One Mission: To uncover the Great Squirrel Conspiracy

Monday, April 24, 2006

snakes and bunnies and sly dog

an evil snake named romex got into our house while the peepol were busy making a mess of the walls.

i took care of the snake and then the peepol buried him in the wall so he cant hurt anybody. let that be a warning to all the other evil snakes out there not to come into my house!

my friends tank and sly came over to visit me torment me. they like to run around and take my toys and wrestle and i yell and yell and yell at them but they dont even pay attention to me. then the peepol yell at me for making so much noize! how unfair!

sly dug around under my tree and found a nest of baby bunnies! we all wanted to play with the bunnies but the peepol didnt let us. they put them in a box and put them somewhere else so we cuddnt find them again.

tank and sly stayed overnite with us and right in the middle of my sleep we all got up and the peepol put on shoes even tho it was still sleepy time and they ran around with light sticks and went for rides in the car to look for sly. i guess he had to potty and he cuddnt find a good enuf spot in my backyard so he jumped over my fence and went to find a better spot. the peepol were very cranky so i stayed out of theyr way. i was a little upset that i didnt get to go for the rides in the car but i think with peepol so cranky driving maybe it was better to stay home anyway.

Friday, April 21, 2006

My peepol are INSANE!

You wuddent beleeve wut my peepol did to me this time. just wen i thot that i wuz making good progress with theyr training, too.

first, randy stayed home from work with me and asked if i wanted to go for a ride-in-the-car. i said woo hoo! you betcha! and i jumped right in. he took me to the place they call the doggie day spa and there were all these other dogs there and i said hey hey dogs! hi im ivy but a yellow dog just growled at me cuz i think he was skared. then they tried to make me get on the evil scale of death but i was such a good jumper-arounder that they cudnt get me on that thing at all. *whew!*

they kept me while randy went away and the did all kinds of unbarkable things to me and wen they were done, i looked like this:i wuz so mad at randy that i didnt even let him pet my ears and i just ran and ran around the backyard and wen i tryed to jump in my window to go in... uh-oh! my window wuz gone! i didnt lose it or forget ware it wuz, it was reely gone! those crazy peepol did something to my window and were making skary noizes, so i just stayed in the shade neer the skwerrel tree to keep an eye on things.

after a while the peepol said hey ivy come jump in the house so i went over to look and i wuznt shure about that big hole in the house at all. i was afraid maybe it wuz an evil skwerrel plot or maybe i wuz having a reely bad dreem.

while the peepol worked on the big hole i decided to do a project of my own. lindsays mom found a big strechy thing buried in my backyard. i had never seen in there before so i thot it cud be a skwerrel trap and i tryd to pull it out. i tried reely hard and i did a good job but it didnt come out of the ground. those skwerrels are reely sneeky.
finally the peepol were done making theyr noizes and there wuz a giant window instead of the hole in the house! wow! now i can jump in and out of the house without using the chair! maybe it wuznt an evil skwerrel plot after all.

the only problem with the new giant window is that sometimes i can jump thru it and sometimes i bounce off. there seems to be a strange and powerful force field that is invisible. i dont understand it at all. the peepol yell at me wen i bounce off the force field and it makes bad noize too.

after all that hard work and crazy peepol plans i wuz reely tired. a good dog needs good sleep.

good nite crazy peepol. watch out for that force field.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

wet guardbears and raining tuna

this morning i jumped out the window to patrol my backyard and gess wut? my guardbears were out there keeping watch for skwerrels all night! i gess i forgot about them cuz i didnt mean to make them do night duty so soon in theyr training. wen i went to check on them, they were all wet! poor bears, i think they musta been crying all night! wut a bad bearkeeper i am to make my bears so sad. i wont make them stay out by themsevles at night anymore.

then i heard the peepol calling me. they said hey ivy! it is raining tuna in here! so i ran and jumped back in the window and shure enuf there was tuna all over the floor! the peepol were making sandwiches with some of it on the counter but there was plenty on the floor for me. wow! i never knew it cud rain tuna!

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

my backyard guardbears

as hard as it is for me to admit it, i cant watch my backyard for skwerrels all the time. one dog can only do so much. so i thot and thot and i came up with an idea. why not use my bears to help me watch my backyard? all they need is a little training!

so today i started theyr training. i haf to say, for bears they were pretty soft. i gess they dont get much exersize laying around in the basket all day. so i chewed them out reely good and told them to shape up first thing.

next we worked on standing gard. they are going to need a lot of work in that department. for one, they cant stand. for another thing, every time i put them in theyr posts, lindsay yells at me and tells me to bring my toys in the house. humph! toys she calls them! they are feroshus bear guards! so that cud be a problem.

i gess ill just have to do theyr training wen the peepol arent looking! yeah!

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

peepol throw away the best stuff

ever notice how peepol always throw away the best stuff? i mean, they look in the magic cold food box and say ewwww! something is stinky!

by that, they mean that some food smells reely tasty. then they take everything out of the food box, find the stuff that smells the very best, and they throw it into the forbidden bucket of no return!

come ON, peepol! dont you know how good that stuff is?

if you put it in my bowl, you wont even have to take out the trash!

Sunday, April 16, 2006

tortured by the easter rabbit

here i am being tortured in some strange way by the easter rabbit, and my peepol just think it is funny.

this must be some sort of pay-back for all those rabbits i chased in the backyard. isnt there some human rule about cruel and unusual punishments? i think this must be what they mean by "unusual".

Friday, April 14, 2006

my battlefield is gone!

after all the time i spent letting the grass grow into good skwerrel ambushing spots... after all the training i did to learn how to sneak up on skwerrels... after all the trouble i went to laying down landmines to keep the skwerrels out of the yard...

...randy just had to pick up the landmines and mow down all the grass!

i tried to stop him by lying down in front of the big noizy grass eater, but he bribed me with a cookie. you cant blame me for taking the cookie, can you? anydog wud have done it.

oh well. now i gotta start all over again.

Monday, April 10, 2006

nighty-night, peepol!

Sunday, April 09, 2006

peepol trying to figure out dogspeak

my peepol found this post on dogster all about silly researchers trying to figure out what dogs are reely saying. ha! if they want to know what we are saying, they just have to read our blogs! it is so simple, silly peepol!

now, if only there cud be a dog research teem to figure out what peepol are reely saying. that wud be something worth finding out!

dog paintings

my peepol found the coolest artist ever! she paints dog portraits (and a few cats, too... ewww!)

you can check out her website and gallery here: http://www.balamaci.com/home.html

Thursday, April 06, 2006

no sit-ups!

my peepol do sit-ups. all the time they are doing these sit-ups. they hold each others feets and they sit up over and over and they say *ugh* and *ouchie* and *ooo*.

those crazy peepol. why do they do this? they say it is good for them, but i no better.

yes, i have a better exersize than sit-ups. a MUCH better exersize! i call my exersize lay-downs. i practice them every day. i lay down in the living room, and i lay down in the hall. wen the peepol are cooking, i lay down in the kichen. i lay down in my backyard under the skwerrel tree. my favorite lay-down is wen i lay down on the peepol bed and put my head on the pillows (ssssh! dont tell my peepol!)

wen i do my lay-downs, i never say *ugh* and *ouchie*. sometimes i do say *mmmmm* becuz it feels so good. i haf never herd the peepol say that theyr sit-ups feel so good!

sometimes wen the peepol are doing theyr sit-ups, i go in and lay down next to them, just to show them wut they are missing. i show them how lay-downs are better than sit-ups, but they never seem to catch on.

oh well. i always knew that dogs were smarter than peepol. this is just one more proof that i am rite.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Squirrel Elimination

see if you can get all those rotten skwerls to hide in theyr holz.