Squirrels are Evil!

One Dog -- One Mission: To uncover the Great Squirrel Conspiracy

Monday, December 31, 2007

stupid skwerrel!

my new friend sharadha sent me a link to a news story about a skwerrel who gets into a bird feeder and eats so much that he is too fat to get back out thru the bars! ha ha!
link to story: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/dorset/7061568.stm

some overly-kind humans rescue the skwerrel by prying open the bars. i think they shud haf taken the skwerrel to a dog park before they pried him out; i am sure there would haf been a lot of dogs more than willing to help him shed some of that extra weight rather quickly... one way or another! tee hee!

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Sunday, December 30, 2007

silent sunday

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Thursday, December 27, 2007

final clue

well my dog friends i think i found it: the final clue to the xmas peepol-trip mystery. i found this video on the screen of my dogpooter just after randy and bp were done borrowing it.

emergency update: my benjamin is now losing the christmas photo contest to a C-A-T! if you hafent voted yet puh-lease go vote for your favorite baby and don't let the C-A-T win!
click the photo to go to the page where you can vote:


Wednesday, December 26, 2007

more clues!

ok i gess if hana can't figure it out then i reelly must not haf found enuf clues. so i looked sum more and i found so many picktures it wuz hard to sort them out. espeshully since most of them seemed to be of my benjamin!

so here are three more picktures i found. i wuzzent able to make heads or tails of them. i wunder if anydog will be able to figure it out for me?

clue #4: they were in a place ware miniature dogs are tricked into labor wif promises of a sausage on a stick...

oh, is that a reflecshun in the glass in front of the dog? that mite be a clue. i cant quite make it out tho.

clue #5: they were in a place ware they torcher dogs wif silly hats and muzzle leashes.

gosh that doesnt help me any. that cud be anywhere!

clue #6: this golden pointy top building looks like it mite be a landmark... but ware?

i dont think i haf ever seen this place before. these pickture clues are reelly too hard for me! i will haf to keep looking.
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pickture clues

ware did my peepol go for christmas? i need help dogciphering the clues i found on my spy camera.

clue #1: my benjamin wuz taking the picktures!

so i hope we can recognize sum clues around baby height taken close to the ground.

clue #2: they must haf gone sumplace wif reelly fat skwerrels that were very nosy!

oh that makes me so mad! i reelly shud haf gone wif them to protect my bp against pudgy skwerrel invaders!

clue #3: they were sumplace ware metal men guard the houses!

this is a better clue. hmmmm...does anydog recognize any of these things? does anydog know ware my peepol went?

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

my blue christmas

can you beleeve it? my peepol left me all alone for christmas. they lefted on christmas eve and i waited and waited for them to come home but instead the peepol-who-bring-good-food came to feed me and play wif me and after they left i went to sleep all alone. i waked up on christmas morning but my peepol were still missing! the good food peepol came to take care of me again but my randy and lindsay and bp were nowhere to be finded!

finally they came home just a little bit ago and i said ware were you? but they didnt say. my randy took me for a ride in the car to look for food and we finded chinese food wif rice for ivy! hurray for rice!

but ware did my peepol go? will haf to dogvestigate the spy camera to see if i can find clues. maybe my dog friends can help me look at the pictures and figure it out.

merry christmas to all! i hope yours wuz not as blue as mine!
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Sunday, December 23, 2007


thank you thank you thank you to dogtective joe stains! he found evidence of the real culprits and cleared me of all charges.
so it wuz cats all this time!! i shudda known. i thot it wuz skwerrels cuz i haf made sum cat friends recently and they seemed not so bad but i gess you just cant trust a cat.

incidentally it seems that the evil cats hid the evidence of theyr crime in a corner of my benjamin's vibrating rocky-chair, ware my lindsay found it about an hour ago. sneaky cats!

thanks to my excellent dog friends! i luv you joe stains!


i will read this from a prepared statement: last nite i wuz shocked and dismayed to hear that my lindsay and my randy are accusing me of binky theft. i unnerstand that binkys are disappearing from our house at an alarming rate and i haf heard that my peepol are unable to locate said binkys despite theyr attempts at a "thorough" search of the house; however, i catagorically deny any responsibility for the disappearances (wut wud i do wif a pacifier anyway?) and in fact i mean to do everything in my power to find the real culprits and clear my good name. i suspect skwerrel involvement.

thank you, that is all.
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Saturday, December 22, 2007

dog sleeping lesson #6

wen you are sleeping, always keep one ear up on alert...

...so that you can hear if a baby fills his diaper nearby and you can wake up and make a quick escape before you haf to smell it!
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Thursday, December 20, 2007


hey look at that!

i think my bp is starting to imitate me!

my new dog camera

hey dog friends! the evil brown man in the brown truck came to my door yesterday and i yelled at him so much that he didnt even try to sneak in or steal anything from my house. in fact he wuz so askared that he gave me one of his brown boxes as a peace offering and runned away! tee hee! ivy wins!

and gess wut wuz in the box? it wuz a new dog camera just for me!

i takes good picktures of me of corse but since i am so generous i decided to let my randy use it to take picktures of my benjamin too.

of corse i think i am cuter but bp is pretty cute too. wut a good dog camera!
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Monday, December 17, 2007

it takes a pack...

haf you ever heard the saying that it takes a pack to raise a puppy? well now you haf! it means that everybody in a community has to pitch in a little bit to help pups grow up to be good dogs or peepol. and i wuz thinking... gee, i haf a reelly big pack of friends on the internet -- i wunder how they cud help to raise by benjamin?

so i thot and thot and i came up wif an idea! i know that you all are very smart and you probably haf a lot of life experience to share wif a pup in the form of advice. wut if you all wrote pieces of advice for my benjamin about how to grow up to be a good man and luv his family and take care of other peepol? wudent that be cool?

so i told my randy and he said Ivy, you're brilliant! (tee hee! i knew that) so he made this video in response to google's "tell your gmail story" video. now i just watched that video and it totally sounded like my randy took all the credit for my idea! but i gess i will be humble and not worry about that.

if you want to write advice to my benjamin, you can write to him any time at this address:
(it is an image to keep the spambots away!)

you can send him advice any time you think of it (like just after sumbody did something and you wish you cud haf given them a piece of good advice about their behavior!) for years and years to come and i will make a little book of advice for my bp every year on his birfday and give it to him.

you can even let your peepol / hoomans / bipeds contribute advice of theyr own, and send the address on to any of theyr friends who they think are wise and mite haf good advice to share. the more the better i say! thanks my friends!


Saturday, December 15, 2007

my new friend Zelda!

hey hey dog friends! you wuddent believe wut happened at my house last nite! my randy made a big pile of meat on the smokey-hot-box (that wuz exciting enuf!) and then my lindsay kept telling me that Zelda wuz coming over. wuts a zelda? i kept asking my peepol but of course nobody ever lissens to ivy so nobody told me.

then i heard cars pulling up in my driveway and next thing i know...there is zelda in my house!

she wuz kinda skared of me which wuz a good thing cuz i took the opportunity to tell her that everything and everyone in my house belonged to me and she cud not touch or sniff or eat anything. i wuzzent sure if she unnerstood so i told her over and over again until i wuz convinced she got the picture.

my randy didnt seem to unnerstand the importance of putting a new dog in her place and he yelled at me a cupple of times wen i told Zelda wut for. he even made me share my toys wif Zelda and she skweeked my skweekygator in her mouth and i had to let her. sheesh! my peepol ask too much of me sumtimes.

so evenshually we kinda decided to get along and we even had our picture taken by my indoor-tree-wif-stuff-on-it. i gess Zelda is ok and maybe she can even come over again sumtime... just as long as she doesn't think she can take my toys home wif her! humph.
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Friday, December 14, 2007

dog sleeping lesson #5

lesson #5: sleeping in the daytime is just fine

if everybody is tired in the middle of the day then everybody shud sleep.
nuthin' wrong wif that!
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Thursday, December 13, 2007

`dog sleeping lesson #4

lesson #4: sleep on peepol wenever possible. peepol are warm and soft and make a great place to catch a nap as long as you haf them trained to hol still. wen they are still learning the 'hold still' part it helps if you look as cute as possible. if you hear an 'awwwww!' then you know you haf achieved success. here my benjamin is demonstrating excellent technique.

of corse there is more than one way to sleep on a peepol. if sumone has already claimed the top half you can make due wif the back of a knee or sumtimes even the feets.

if you are reelly good at this you can keep your peepol still for hours!
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Wednesday, December 12, 2007

dog sleeping lessons #2 and #3

lesson #2: pillows make naps even better! if you work on a peepol pillow long enuf and get it smelling good like dog then eventually it becomes yours! tee hee!

lesson #3: you never know wut is going to be soft and warm, so try sleeping on everything. this snowman blankie wuz given to me by my aunt cara, RN. i am not sure wut RN stands for but i think it must mean "Real Nice" cuz thats wut she is! she came to visit me (and benjamin) and brot us both presents. i didnt think that snowmans cud be soft or warm but i tried it out and they were!! i luv my snowman blankie.
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Tuesday, December 11, 2007

vote for my bp!

hey hey my dog friends! my bp is two weeks old today and he is already trying to win contests. wut an overachiever! now i wud be reelly happy if it were a dog agility contest or a best-of-show he wuz going for but i think those mite be a bit much to expect from him just yet. so he is trying to win a photo contest to get sum free big prints from my randys favorite camera store.

if you wud like to go to the voting page and decide if you want to vote for my benjamin to win just click here or click on the picture above. if you reelly think he shud win, tell your friends to go vote too!

thanks bunches! luv ivy


Monday, December 10, 2007

dog sleeping lesson #1

this is how you sleep on a circle rug.
note the paw on the floor to keep the floor from moving.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

we dogs can sleep anywhere

wen i saw this pickture on my spy camera i wuz very happy to see that my bp is learning to sleep in any position just like a dog does. wen i sleep i like to put all my feets together and stretch them out in front of me. sumtimes my randy jokes that he cud hog-tie me in my sleep reelly easily and i say... i'd like to see you try it mister!
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Wednesday, December 05, 2007

i are so sneaky!

i am so glad that all my dog friends agree wif me that the bunnification of my benjamin wuz very wrong and had to be stopped. so i laid down on my thinking rug and camed up wif a brilliant plan.

first i had to distract the peepol. and as my friend hana so often points out, my peepol are very food-oriented, so the distraction wuz easy. i just whipped up a batch of my doggone good hash browns:

and then i slapped sum more gud brekfest foods on a plate and made my peepol totally distracted for a few minutes while they gobbled that up. gee you wud think they had not eaten in a week!

do you see that glow around my head? that is from my halo cuz i seem so innocent! tee hee!

next i hid that bunny propaganda away ware the sun don't shine. can you see ware i hid it?

finally i stocked the table next to the moving-chair-of-death wif good healthy reading material.

whew! that wuz hard work but my poor little benjamin puppy-in-training deserves nothing less!
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Tuesday, December 04, 2007

doghibits B and C

gentledogs and bitches of the jury, i present to you more evidence in the case of the bunnification of baby ben. first is doghibit B, another book of propaganda that my peepol haf been reading to my benjamin in the hours of the morning wen he is tired and least able to resist the long-eared rodent influence:

and as if that were not enuf, i haf also made a great personal sacrifice and dredged up a tortuous episode in my own dog life that i wud rather forget... last easter or maybe the easter before that, my peepol tried to make me into a bunny! yes, this criminal behavior has actually been observed in my peepol in a prior incident!

as you can plainly see, this made me sick and nearly killed me. it wuz only by my quick thinking and even quicker head-shaking reflexes that i managed to escape.

so how say you jury? wut is your verdict?
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Monday, December 03, 2007

he is NOT a bunny!

hey dog friends: i haf sum trubbling news to report. my poor little benjamin is not even a week old yet and my peepol are already confusing his identity. i offer this photo as dogfense exhibit a:

wut is wrong wif the photo you ask? why is ivy taking pictures of sweet little innocent moments between father and son in the middle of the nite as evidence of wrongdoing you ask? well lets just take a look at a close-up of that sweet little scene and you will see for yourself:

aha! my peepol are obviously trying to convince little benjamin that he is a bunny! i first caught my lindsay reading this propaganda book to little bp yesterday and this morning i walked in to find my randy doing the same thing! brainwashing! thats wut it is!

you can tell that benjamin is obviously upset by this and is trying to cover his little ears but alas his motor skills are not yet good enuf to find his ear with his hand.

i think that a dog intervenshun is needed here. i need to start getting involved wif the proper upbringing of this child as a puppy at once! fortunately he has quite a few good dog training uniforms in his drawer... now i just haf to figure out how to get him to start wearing them more often. any ideas from my dog friends?
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