how not to cook

my randy cookeded dinner for the peepol tonight. he cooked yummy smelling meat on sticks outside in the box-that-you-shudnt-touch-cuz-its-hot, then he came in wif the meat sticks to watch movies on the magic window wif me and lindsay. after they ate most of that yummy-smelling food (which i didnt get any of by the way!) randy jumped up and said a funny word that i didnt know... asparagus! he said.

wen he came back inside, he brot in sum food that smelled like the meat but didnt look the same; for sum reason my peepol didnt want to eat it! i saw my chance, so i looked reelly pretty - as pretty as i cud and asked for sum. wonder of wonders my randy laughed and said ok ivy! if you really want a taste! and i said oh yes! oh yes i do! so he held out a piece of it and i opened my mouth and... bleah! wut is that stuff?!?

that is definately not how to cook food!

poor hexapus, chubby puppy, my peepol and a mystery

oh my dogness! i hafent blogged in a few days now and so much is happening in my dog world that it is already hard to remember it all.

it is wif a sad dog heart that i tell you the fate of my poor fuzzy pink friend the hexapus. he went missing for most of the day and wen my finely tuned crime-solving nose found ware he wuz it wuz already too late. hexapus had been forced to take an evil bath in the spinning chamber of doom and... *sniff*... his stuffing exploded all over the place!

this is a photo taken by my crime scene investigation camera. fear not that i will not rest until i haf hunted down the one responsible for this trajedy. well... maybe i will take a few dog naps but even then i will be dreaming of the clues!

two days ago a much happier event happened to me. my peepol came home from being gone all day in my dog car and they had a new friend for me to chew on!! i named him chubby puppy and i luved him rite away!

i took him out in my back yard for his christening and made sure that he wuz safe from evil skwerrels.

i said thank you! thank you! to my peepol but they replied that it wuzent a present from them. it wuz from a fish named ganon who belongs to my friend the brilliant calico gecko and it wuz a thank you for my lindsay having fed ganon his dinner while c.g. wuz gone. i didnt quite follow all that but i managed to unnerstand that i got a present from a fish and that wuz pretty cool.

now hershey has started this game of dog bloggers telling about theyr peepol and hana tagged me to reveal mine (even though hershey said everydog already knows about my randy and lindsay) so now i will tell you all the important stuff that i know about them...

my randy and lindsay are peepol who rescued me from jail about five human years ago. since then we haf moved all over the place and taken many rides in my dog car wif our stuff in boxes. i got to swim in the atlantick and the specific oshuns in the same month one time!

my randys job is to feed me dog food for brekfast and dinner. he is pretty good at it most of the time but he gets sloppy about my feeding time on weekends. i still haf to train him to be better about that.

my lindsays job is being a super-hero. she has super-strength and super hearing and lately even a super sense of smell. she is reelly good at rescuing dogs. she is the one who found me and rescued me from jail wen we first met!

both of my peepol like to go for a ride in my car almost every morning and they are gone almost all day long hafing all kinds of fun wifout me! i haf tried to ask them about wut they do but the only thing i haf ever gotten as an answer is that they teach computers to do tricks that are fun and educashunal for peepol. this is obviously a silly lie cuz i know they must be eating cookies all day or why wud they want to leave me behind? humph.

i tag tasha & eva, sitka and tia, and maya-marie to tell about theyr peepol next!

lastly i haf a mystery that maybe my dog friends can help me solve. my peepol keep talking about sumthing called BP and i haf no idea wut they mean by it. i haf asked them a bunch of times but of corse nobody ever lissens to ivy!

my happy happy funday!

oh boy! oh boy! wut a wunnerful funday i had today! it wud take too many words to tell the whole story so i will just try to tell it in picktures...

here is me jumping for joy wen my randy asked me if i wanted to go for a ride in the car to see abby.


and here is me checking out the dog treats on silver platters at the madeline's dogs shop. i got a beef and liver carob-covered popcicle on a rawhide stick. oh how i luv that place!


here is me trying on a pink tutu. hey randy! i dont think the tutu supposed to go on my neck! sumthin' must haf been stuck in abby's throat cuz she sounded like she wuz snickering at me... humph!


and here is abby trying on her own hot pink tutu! tee hee! who looks silly now abby?


i got to pick out my favorite toy from the giant basket of toy happiness. the problem wuz that all the toys were my favorite - one after the other. i picked out a dreidel but then changed my mind and settled on this fuzzy green skweeky thing wif a heart.


wen we finally had to leave madeline and her wunnerful shop i wuz pretty happy - wut a lucky dog i am to haf a day like that! but i didnt even know wut wuz coming up next...



ice cream! ice cream! we all scream for ice cream! yes - me and abby got to split our very own bowl of vanilla ice cream and it wuz sooooo good! it wuz almost hard to share it cuz i wanted to eat it all myself and abby wanted to eat it all herself too.


after ice cream i got my pickture taken in a dramatic pose wif the stars and stripes. i thot the Army of Four wud like that pickture.



next we went to another dog bakery and we met a little chihuahua named gigi who said i wuz too skary to be there and i got some more dog cookies from the mix-n-match candy shop! i got sum peanutbutter and banana and beef and liver and cheese snacks... mmmmmm good!


after the dog bakery we went for a walk in the park and ended up at the beach! i soooo wanted to get in that water and swim out to the boats that were going past but i wuz good and stayed wif my peepol.


here is me and abby lounging on the sand at our beach vacation spot. wut a perfect way to end a wunnerful funday!

i hope that all my dog friends had as good a day as i did.

thanks a LOT Hershey!

my friend hershey wrote in a comment on my last post that his mom wanted to see picktures of the new dog torcher room bathroom. wen my peepol read that (note to self: dont let peepol read my bloggy anymore) my randy said he wud take picktures of the tub and tile to put on my blog. wait a minnit! i protested, whose bloggy is this anyway? you cant post non-dog picktures of stupid peepol stuff on my blog! my peepol had to agree (becuz i wuz rite of corse!) but wut came next i cud never haf imagined... my lindsay said ok, we should have Ivy be in the picture too; she needs a bath anyway!

nooooooooooooooooo!

i got torchered wif the brush!

and i got torchered in the bathtub!

wen all the torcher wuz finished i wuz sooooo happy to get away! plus i got two cookies for being good in the tub. that made it just a little bit more bearable. but not much! thanks a lot, hershey!

waiting is sooooo hard!

hey hey dog friends! i am happy to report that the evil skwerrel army from pittsburgh has not invaded my back yard after all. i did see a few lone skwerrel scouts running along the fence they use as a highway but i yelled them reelly loud and they left.

today my friend the thrifty calico gecko sent me a hot link to the coolest leash ever! it lights up and flashes and puts on a show so that everybody will look at me wen i am walking my peepol around the neighborhood and say "what a lucky dog she is!"



i wunder if i can make it light up a message that says "skwerrels beware!" in flashing red letters? how cool wud that be!

it only cost 99 cents so i ordered it from amazon.com and i wuz sure that my peepol wuddnt miss such a little bit of money... but then they charged another 5 dollars for shipping! gosh i hope my peepol dont get mad about that.

i wunder if any of my dog friends have done that before. do you ever order stuff wifout telling your peepol? did you get in trubble?

snow! snow! snow?

hey hey dog friends! you will never believe wut i saw today... i wuz in my back yard minding my own business and patrolling for skwerrels wen i heard my peepol calling to me from my front yard. the storm that got sandy all wet also blew down a bunch of branches from the big tree in front of my house and the silly peepol were putting all those branches in my dog car. so i wuz reelly surprised to hear them say "hey ivy! come out here! its snowing!"

i just had to see that so i ran out front and sure enuf there wuz white stuff in the air and on the ground and all over the place! whoa! cool!

but wen i went to play in it the snow wuz not cold and it didnt stick to my paws and it just wuzzent fun at all. leave it to peepol to take all the fun out of snow. huh!

it has been a busy week for the evil skwerrels! i heard from the Ao4 that an evil skwerrel plotted and tried to wipe out simba from this dog world! good thing simba had a dog army to back him up. and i heard from gus and hershey that a crazed skwerrel wuz attacking peepol in germany until a 72-year old man whacked the skwerrel wif his crutch. yikes! i dont know wut a crutch is but i think i want one!

and most disturbing of all wuz wen i read on the Army of Four's bloggy that there seems to be a massive skwerrel gathering of some sort at a golf course in pittsburgh!

after doing sum research wif my randy about rodents at golf courses, i am very worried that these skwerrels mite be invincible! oh the horror! i will keep a very sharp lookout to the west for advancing lines of enemy skwerrels.

i am the sandy saver!

last nite it wuz raining in my backyard. and i dont mean the little drippy kinda rain - no! - i am talking about the get-you-wetter-than-a-bath kinda rain! it wuz so wet out there that even i didnt want to go running around it in like i usually do.

so me and my randy and lindsay were in the food-makin' room and super lindsay (who has super hearing) said "what was that? did you hear that?" and i said "yes! it is a dog in distress!" and randy said "no, i didn't hear anything". nobody ever lissens to ivy! then lindsay said "it sounded like a dog!" and i said "yes! yes! we haf to help that dog!" and randy said "i didn't hear anything."

so me and my randy opened the back door and we listened reelly hard. at first we didnt hear anything i thot maybe the dog wuz ok but then all of a sudden i heard it again! and this time my randy heard it too! so the peepol put on theyr rain jackets and we all went running outside to find where that yelp wuz coming from.

after some running around we found the sound and it wuz my friend sandy! sandy wuz trapped in her dog run outside in the rain and her peepol were gone!! super lindsay rescued sandy from the run and me and randy ran back to the house to open up the garage door and sandy came running rite in!

it wuz so exciting! me and sandy runned around and around and we barked a lot and the peepol chaseded us around with towels and tried to pet us dry with the towels and there wuz a lot of slipping and sliding... so much fun!

as soon as we were dry we both went in the house and got a cookie (i think i deserved a cookie for saving sandy but i dont know wut sandy did to deserve one of my cookies!)

then sandys peepol came home and she ran back over to her own house. wut an exciting nite! i bet sandy will be thankful to me forever. or at least until tomorrow.

cool breezes are here again!

hey hey dog friends! the cool breeze holes in my floor are blowing on me again and everything is wunderful in my house once more. i got to be in charge of the guys in blue shirts who came to take away the old breeze machine and put in the new one...

bye-bye old dead breeze machine!

wut are these holes in my house? i asked my randy and he said that it is the nose and i wuz putting my head in a nostril. silly randy - i dont think he knows wut he is talking about. at least i hope not! ewww!

these are the tools that the guys in blue shirts brot wif them. i sniffed them all over and gave them the nose lick of approval.

this is the old dried-up ghost of a skwerrel that wuz living in the old dead breeze machine. i think he wuz haunting it and thats why the breeze machine died! i always knew that skwerrels were evil!

next time i will show you picktures of my new breeze machine and the evil bathtub that looks a little prettier now.

how a hot dog stays cool

since my cool breeze holes haf quit blowing i haf had to come up wif more creative ways to stay cool. my favorite way to cool off is eating ice!

sumtimes that ice plays hard to get but it sure is good wen i finally get it!

wen it wuz dog bed time my house wuz still too hot for a hairy keeshond so i took my blue guard bear out in my back yard and tried sleeping out there. i missed my peepol tho so i ended up going back to my dog bed for the rest of the nite.


the next day it rained and rained and rained! it wuz so nice and cool that i runned around in my back yard every chance i got. that rain cooled me off reelly good.

my randy and lindsay said the rain gave me a funny hairdo. i dont know wut they were talking about.

you can call me hotdog

well my peepol did it again! i dont know exactly wut they did this time but wutever it wuz made my cool breezes from the holes in the floor quit blowing!

and then yesterday my randy stayeded home wif me all day and lots of strangers came in and out and in and out. worst of all wuz wen randy took my dog door out so i wuz trapped in my own backyard! yikes!

good thing i haf my little dog fan to keep me cool. i hope my crazy peepol get the cool floor-hole-breezes fixed soon!